This week, we celebrate the opening of National Lampoon's Van Wilder in movie theaters across America. I was invited to be part of a press tour, traveling from city to city promoting the movie. While the stars of the movie were ferried by private jet and limo to the studios of the local TV chat shows in New York, L.A., Chicago, and other major markets; I was forced to use my per diem Greyhounding it to the local AM news stations in Dayton, Mobile, and Duluth, to talk about the movie after the farm reports and high-school sports scores. I learned two things, every deejay and radio announcer in America is a very fat man with an unkempt beard, and the public is very excited about the movie.

My problem: I fear that the movie will bring a younger audience to this site. You see, my average reader is a socially maladjusted burn-out who peaked in the late '70s or early '80s. For you younger readers out there, these are the guys who try to look hip by wearing a diamond stud earring or graying ponytail and who bore you to the brink of suicide explaining the virtues of listing to music on vinyl (in other words, your dad).

I hope that the power of the movie and this page will bring together both the young slackers and the aging malcontents. So, let's journey back to a time when it was still permissible to make fun of an entire segment of society by casting broad stereotypes and harmful generalizations for the sake of fun.

It is in the name of generational understanding that I present, from July of 1982: