It’s a well known fact that if you pay Michael Caine enough money (or finely aged Dewars), he’ll appear in just about anything. Just go take a look at his IMDB profile and sift through the minefield that is his career. Don’t worry I’ll wait. As you can see, he did Jaws IV: The Revenge, a movie about a giant Great White shark following a family to the Caribbean seeking vengeance and roaring like a lion, in the same year he won an Oscar for Hannah and Her Sisters. I’m not here to knock his hustle, as I can understand selling out for the right price, but simply to use him a cautionary example to a series of young actors that shouldn’t waste their opportunity in the limelight.

See, in today’s Hollywood with 24-hour celebrity news cycles and 8 figure marketing budgets for 6 figure films, the margin of error is much thinner than when Caine was mailing it in. One too many flops and you’re on a one way track to Cuba… as in Gooding Jr., not the country, or a “career” in reality television. You may think you’re untouchable now, but C Thomas Howell felt that way once too.

Our first entry… Scarlett Johansson.

Beyond her good looks, she’s a talented actress. However you feel about Lost in Translation, her performance was quite good and it was clear she hadn’t reached her ceiling. It seemed Johansson was giving us a first glimpse of a perennial Oscar-caliber actress at a very young age. If you sought out some of her other work like Girl in the Pearl Earring, you’d find more supporting evidence of a great performance clothed in immense potential. But that was 5 years ago. Since then, she’s appeared in a string of forgettable films like The Island, The Nanny Diaries and The Other Boleyn Girl, which had to resort to the Penelope Cruz-Salma Hayek patented faux Lesbian marketing campaign with Scarlett and Natalie Portman, just to avoid bombing completely. Now she’s released an album of Tom Waits covers, which has done nothing but grant her membership in the not-so prestigious Actors that Wish They Were Singers club alongside Eddie Murphy and Keanu Reeves. Top all of that off with an engagement to mediocrity magnet Ryan Reynolds. What gives, ScarJo? Those bad decisions are quickly increasing the possibility of becoming a Hollywood footnote and eventual Trivia Pursuit question.

Ghost of Poor Career Choices Past wants to show you the career of:
Jennifer Love-Hewitt. Remember when she was a hot commodity and hailed as the next Audrey Hepburn? Me either.

Arrange a Meeting with:
Elizabeth Taylor. While she probably isn’t someone to emulate completely, Taylor had a good run and got the most out of her good looks and acting talent concurrently for a long time. Just don’t take her advice on marriage. Marriage??!?!?!?!?!?

Filed under: Ryan Reynolds, Scarlett Johansson, Celebs, Movies