Chris Kattan is getting hitched! All I have to say is: if he’s not getting married to a cartoon, I don’t see how anyone ever pictures this working out.

Also notable this week, “Mean Girls” star, Amanda Seyfried has been talking to the media about her opinion/discovery that child celebrities, such as co-star Lindsay Lohan, go “nuts” because they experience fame at too young an age. All I can say is, thank you, Amanda. I feel like I’ve finally been shown the light! Thank you so much for exposing the man behind the curtain. I always wanted him to expose himself to me.

That was Amanda Seyfried, ladies and gentlemen, with her new theory, entitled: “Pointing out the Obvious… Hey! I have Fingers!”.

Having been denied a star on the walk of fame, Bonzo the Chimpanzee, star of the film “Tarzan”, is returning to work. Some critics are saying the ape may be over the hill and too old to recapture some of his youthful brilliance; but insiders claim the hairy-hunk has never shown more spunk (…spunk Bonzo plans to flick around the movie set at random).

NBC has now removed all references of Louis Conradt, Jr. from their broadcasts. If any of you don’t know Mr. Louis Conradt Jr., he was the accused pedophile who shot himself after being confronted on “To Catch A Predator”. Conradt’s sister filed a lawsuit for $105 million after the incident, but the case has now been settled.
I hate to admit it, but I find that show morbidly funny. Here’s the scenario: They hook these pederasts on the internet, lure them into a house, and then Chris Hansen steps out of nowhere and goes: “Hi, There. Do you mind telling me what you’re doing here tonight?”

At this point, the potential pedophile’s try to justify why they’re in the house of some unknown underage girl. They’ll stammer and say:
“I just got lost. She told me she had cookies”, and then Chris Hansen says something like:
“I don’t think so. I have the transcript of your conversation right here. You wrote ‘I want to look inside your ass’…. Now, I don’t think you’ll find any cookies in there.”
It’s amazing. High-tension drama the whole way through. If you haven’t seen it, you should really check it out.

In other news, Jack Black has talked to the media about his drug use as a teen. He says he did coke, sniffed glue and stole from his mom. “I’m lucky to be alive” Black said. “I don’t think I was completely sane. They should have put me in jail.”
Now, this is a perfect example of why NOT to put drugged-up, troubled teens in jail. If we did that all the time, there would be no more Jack Blacks. Taking the fun out of trouble out of life would take out a lot of the fun too. And the laughter. So, write that one down. Maybe you can turn it into a mantra of some kind.

Filed under: the Zaz!