Pro-wrestling’s elder statesman, Captain Lou Albano (WWF, ret.), was honored Smackdown-style during his 75th birthday party at a Yonkers eatery and sadly, the cameras were not rolling.

The event, attended by 150 guests, was planned by Capt. Lou’s niece Kami Albano, who apparently had no idea what would happen if some of wrestling’s more prominent murder-suicide prospects were assembled into a single room and served alcohol.

According to eyewitness reports, Jim “The Sandman” Fullington grew a pair of liquid cojones then began to use a light fixture as a speed bag. The owner of the restaurant told him to stop. The Sandman refused, then seconds later received a beer bottle to the face, compliments of the house.

Dazed and bloodied and with not a turnbuckle in sight, The Sandman climbed the next best thing: the bar. Restaurant patrons put their pasta dishes aside and cheered. As The Sandman readied to piledrive the owner, his wrestling buddies took him to the floor, one of whom administered the figure-four leg lock.

With nothing more than his physical prowess, The Sandman broke free with a Mongolian chop, spun on his heels and thunder clapped the ears of an unsuspecting busboy, who cried out for his mother in Spanish before losing consciousness. The Sandman then chased the owner throughout the restaurant and into the kitchen by which time Yonker’s finest showed up with guns drawn. When that didn’t work, the SWAT team was called in.

Oddly enough, not one folding chair was hurled during the mêlée.

My question is: Why was this not a Live Pay-Per-View event?

Had it, would you have paid to watch?

Filed under: Court, balls, Drunk, cops, celeb fights, hulk hogan, the Zaz!